Not all mothers are born to love. It's not that they don't want too but they just don't know how.

I never knew I had a codependent relationship with my mother until I became a mother.

All along, I really really believed that my mother loved my unconditionally until I realised that I couldn't fully have the freedom to be myself because there were conditions for her love.

It doesn't help when my mother supported me financially.

Plus, she made most of the major decisions which made me even more dependent on her. I even thought that I couldn't survive if she died and I would go with her.

Never did I know that this was a codependent relationship.

The bubble will burst sooner or later and it did - just shortly I celebrated my 30th birthday.

That same year, I learned how to be financially independent.

I had to learn how to make money, stay on budget and plan for the future.

Learning how to be financially independent isn't as hard as healing from the trauma I had to go through.

The break up was bad.

I shall save the FULL details another day but it was through my own experience with my mother that I now believe that not all mothers are capable to love.

I believe my mother loves me - but she can't love me the way I needed because she didn't even know what love was!

She doesn't know how to love herself therefore she's not capable to show her love without manipulation and controlling.

How did she know better when her parents didn't give her the love that she needed?

I'm grateful that I'm now aware of this toxic dynamic so that I can do my best not to pass it down to my next generation.

It's not easy because sometimes my inner child would ask - "Why did my mother want to destroy me?"

No matter how adult I am now, the thought that your own mother wants you dead is detrimental.

NO ONE should experience it but it does happen.

Since it has happened, I can only choose to make better decisions for myself.

Through my own experience I've also learned how to love from afar.

I love her and I've chosen to have clear boundaries so that I don't put myself in the situation to be hurt again.

You can love the person but doesn't mean you condone their hurtful behaviour.

Forgiveness is the best medicine in this situation. Forgiveness means allowing the past to be in the past.

Forgive yourself because you didn't know any better.

I've learned to also look at the good points of my mother. If she taught me all the bad habits, she must have taught me her good habits too.

It's always so easy to look at the bad side of things.

My mother is a survivor - she's strong, makes things happen, always makes sure all our needs are met and she's also very generous. Plus she's also a savvy business woman and good with money.

No one is perfect. Neither am I but if she weren't the mother that was, I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

This isn't the time to blame your mother. If she knew better, she would have done better.

Just because she can't love you the way you want, it doesn't mean you can't love you the way you want.

It's time to take your personal power back and become the woman you've always wanted to be!

I wish you well.

P.S. I'm a visionary and I look at the big picture so please excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes if there're any.

© 2017 ● For the Smart Woman who is Ready to Heal the Mother's Story, Drop Codependency & Change Thought Patterns to Become the Woman You've Always Wanted to be!

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